And whose to say it shouldn't? If we don't enjoy the little things, who cares about the big picture?
I for one, try to enjoy every bit of the little things, as often as I can. Like today, with it's chilly weather, and imagining that the little thing that would make me happy right now would be a snuggle on the couch with a special little kitty and a good cup of hot cocoa. Simple, sweet, and so small; yet perfect, and enjoyable in it's own needlessly satisfying way.
It makes me wonder who else in my apartment building would be enjoying just such a small moment as mine? And what is there "cup of hot cocoa"?
Then I let my mind wander a little further and start to think about my town. And all the thousands of people in it that I'll probably never, know running around keep up with their own agendas. All with their own little piece of comfort that they are looking forward to. And I smile about the craziness of life and how little one person is in it.
After that I push my mind further and think about the country. With it's millions of people (I can't really even imagine). And the thousands of them who don't even have a piece of comfort to think about. As we the entitled, apply a general judging to the homeless begging on the street or the people making their life off of subsistance, about living in a country of "opportunity" and their "responsibility" to themselves and community. And I realize that these people rarely ever think about comfort, and no one thinks about their comfort for them. Nor do those that have comfort forgo it for their sake. At least not very often, and without force. And I start to wonder why my thoughts always end up being so pessimistic.
But I continue to stretch my mind even further. And for my none worldly self, I can only begin to leap past my idea of home, town, and country, on to the entire world. I'll never be able to match the reality of numbers upon numbers of people; rich and poor, healthy and sick, happy and sad, spending today thinking about themselves and their own small lives. It's almost unfathomable. And I start to think about how easy it is to slip into the mind sight of only taking into consideraion my country, with "my" people. As I do my town, with my home, and my family, and the affects my life has on them. When in reality, if I really put my mind to it, the entire world is full of "our neighbors" that our lives affect daily. People just like me, born in a different spot, under different circumstances. Most of whom would think themselves in heaven to cozy up on my comfy couch, in my heated apartment, with a snugly pet, drinking a chocolate sugared piece of delight. Hell, most of them would have loved to have access to a bucket full of the fresh clean water I wasted today in my shower that is instantly reheated for my wasting pleasure. And how many of them could actually take shelter in my spacious apartment that I share with a single person and my cat? Whie I sit complaining about the dishwasher needing repair and the fact that the grocery store 4 blocks down is too far away for the night and that I can't even think about filling my fridge with the extra cravings it's lacking past it's full necessities. I mean, what is their little piece of heavenly pie today? Are they too cold? Too hot? Too hungry?
Thinking about all this makes me begin to realize my small simple cup of cocoa is quickly turning into a large, over indulged luxury.
Then I compare life to the last Victorian aged movie I watched two nights ago (on my comfy couch) with it's hierarchy of the rich and poor. Back in times when we allowed for servants, and nobility was based on birth alone. And I begin to make the analogy of America relaxing in our castle, born into a place of privilege. As we over consume the lands resources as if we are entitled to them. Demanding of the common folk their respect and servitude. As they mill about the world producing for us and keeping barely enough to survive. Or rummaging through our waste and going without where we have plenty. And as I picture life this way I can't help but justify the hatred building towards our country that now doesn't seem so unfair, or unjust. Instead, when looked as a whole, we mostly likely are the unfair and unjust exploiting the worlds goods needlessly only because we can. Keeping from our bounty what could be shared in plenty with our neighbors, our family, born unfortunately in a lower status then we. And I start to wonder about the upheavals I watched in those same movies against tyrant kings that I always felt so righteous... and am scared of the day our kingdom is threatened, and the righteousness of their actions against us.
I try to justify our lifestyle by the simple rule of caring for your own before all others. And I can wrap my head around that when it comes to my family. But what else is my own to be cared for? My town? My country? My world? And where is that line drawn between caring for my own and carelessness of others?
Here I sigh, and collapse back down to my small little life, wondering how my little idea of cocoa on a rainy day turned into this ridiculous train of thoughts, and knowing that I can't spend all my time thinking this way. It's exhausting, and guilt ridden. And what can one person do to change this course? I mean, does it really behoove me to forgo my small moment of hot cocoa and kitty snuggles out of guilt for those who can't? No. Do I continue living my life of privilege because I can? Yes. And would they not if the roles were reversed?
And how odd is it that being in a position to even worry about this is a luxury? Especially when on a regular basis I don't feel myself to be privileged. But realistically so many in the rest of the world can't worry past how they will feed their family today's meal ... much less how they can help contribute to the world. (Here the quote rings in my head from "Ever After" about being born of privilege and it coming with great responsibility. Which rings familiar from a few paragraphs back of "opportunity" in our country.)
Are we of privilege holding to our responsibility?
I'm no dooms day borrower, I know we are not all bad, and that there are very good and caring people here that go out of their way to give to others or donate their resources and time. But as a whole, and even as an individual, I can't honestly say that we our fare share. Or in the least, I can honestly say that we could do better.
It's not the first time my mind has wondered this way, but once again, I'll procrastinate this emotional dilemma to another day. Hoping that next time I'll find some small compromise I can incorporate into my life to relieve a piece of my American guilt. Because all I want to do right now is ignore these nagging thoughts in my head, and instead go have my cup of cocoa before I drive over to my sisters house to spend an extended weekend relaxing with my family and enjoying good fortune past our appropriate appreciation. While most of the country likewise spends the weekend celebrating for the sake of celebrating instead of focusing on the economical and civil significance of a holiday we created to emphasize a time when our country was laboring for its own opportunity to become so privileged.
Everything is relative. there are people always more lucky and less than ourselves. The answer? Devote your life to those less lucky? enjoy what you have and help us much as you can? embrace your luckiness without remorse? it's a complex problem I think.
Are you being melancholy lately? cheer up buttercup. I think you deserve your little luxuries.